• adenikemakinde

Here is why saying "I can do that" will keep you stuck, Part 2



The “I can do that” trap will keep you stuck and even cause you to give up parts of yourself.


So today, I want to share parts of my story that illustrate this.


My story started right after graduating from college. I had started my career and was on the fast path to a career that I loved, but on my way up the ladder, I got married and had my son.


As you would expect, my priorities shifted during this time and because I am driven by nature, my focus now shifted to trying to create my “dream” family instead of my “dream” job.


It was here that I learned some hard lessons.


I didn’t realize it at that time but I began compromising who I was as a person to try and make the marriage work.


What this looked like for me was putting all my dreams and goals on hold and working with my spouse, doing all the things he hated but that I could do, to push his dream forward; it meant taking jobs that did not even remotely challenge me in order to support the family through this transition; it meant neglecting myself physically, emotionally and intellectually…WHILE NO ONE ELSE was.


On the surface this might sound somewhat noble – and in some ways it may have been but if you are the only one sacrificing, and have become a shell of your former self because you put everyone and everything ahead of you – you have essentially become equivalent to a “tool” in the family.


Your worth and value as a human being somehow gets diminished and you teach people that you are too be “used” for the family instead of “a core, valuable part” of the family.


I wanted my marriage to work, and I thought that meant working harder, and sacrificing more and more to try and make something happen.


I can clearly remember sitting in a marriage counseling session that was having no impact at all and thinking to myself, “what else could I possibly give up, what else could I possibly do?”


If you have ever felt this way, I know exactly how you feel. You do not have to settle into what you "can" do. You can start taking steps now to find work that will allow you to grow, progress and make a difference!

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